After a short run in the brisk morning, my friends and I decided to go to a beach to take a nice relaxing swim. We arrived at the beach, and the blue waves, with the white caps leaping over them like hurdles, before crashing to the ground came crashing into the smoothed rocks of the beach, creating an imbalanced beat that sounded almost like a drum. We quickly got ready to enjoy the beach, and climbed our way through the rocks to the water, walking past moss-covered stones everywhere, like someone went along and painted each with a masterful stroke of green. The rocks felt sharp and rough on our smooth feet, and this added challenge to the hike through them to the water. Thies reached the water first, and as he jumped in, he let out a shriek of pain, as the water was like a frozen hell. The screams almost drowned out the sound of the wind, whistling a song into our ears. Suddenly, I was at the edge of the water, and I too leaped into this adventure. I submerged myself in the frigid water, and a quick, sharp pain, overcame me. I felt like someone was ripping my arms out, and there was nothing I could do. Once we were all in the water, we decided to swim out for a few meters. The waves, constantly crashing into us made it hard to make any progress, and we eventually reached our goal, about 5 meters away, feeling like we had swum forever. As we floated there, I took a long look at my surroundings. The red buoy, that seemed miles away, standing alone against a grey, cloudy backdrop. After a few minutes, the sharp pain was getting unbearable, and we all swam back in towards the land. We arrived and quickly climbed out of the icy water, and quickly got to our towels. The towels gave us a warm feeling, but the light wind that once whistled a nice tune in our ears had turned into an angry gust, and the sharp winds made it near impossible to feel warm again.
In the blog post, I could really imagine how it was and your surroundings which made the blog more interesting to read. You wrote a lot about the senses which made it very descriptive which is good. You gave a lot of details which gave me a picture in my head about what it would look like. The best image is when you were walking on the rock because you described how they looked and the surroundings. The least strong picture was the water because I didn’t know what colour it is and how deep the water was which would give me a better image but the blog post was very interesting to read.
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You’ve done a good job with details and imagery here, Andrew. I also liked some of your diction (imbalanced, adventure, frigid) and you do a good job with original figurative language, especially in the beginning. Can you see what’s wrong grammatically with the sentence starting with “The red buoy…”?
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